hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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