I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ugly people sure do ruin things
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
