You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
