know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize