so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize