I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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