I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
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There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
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I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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