I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
