She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
