I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
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I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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