im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My dick has a subreddit
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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