At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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