Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i dont even know how to be here
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Randomize
