I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
