My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
