on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
