So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
