you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
