the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
