Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
