I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
