remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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