Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
