My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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