I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
