So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
