she looked like the bat from fern gully.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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