I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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