The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
