I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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