this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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