Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
