we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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