I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
