Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
