dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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