Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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