I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
