a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
