I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
