Apparently you make a good broom.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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