WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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