tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
