Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
