i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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