How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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