Screwed.edu
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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