you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
