he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
