im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
