Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
