Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
