I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
