I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
