I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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