Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
