I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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