Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
