In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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