we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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