Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
