when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can I color on your dick again?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
