I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
