it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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