There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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