found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
