I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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