'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
