In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is my gift to your gina
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
