how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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