Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i think my cat just said my name.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
