Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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