No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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