Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
