I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
