she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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