Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just got carded by a ten year old.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
