He is such a slut. More and more my type.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
