You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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