Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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