Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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