so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
