What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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