I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
