tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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