Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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