forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
