Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
