apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
