Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
