who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
