Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
