im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize