his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
