i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
